Diary of James
by fructoselollipop
Summary: When Lily interrupts an unspoken friendswithbenefits relationship between Padfoot and Prongs, Padfoot is none too happy about it. SLASH, SiriusxJames. Please read my notes before you read the story!


**Title:** Diary of James

**Author:** Kerry Ann (FructoseLollipop)

**Pairing:** Sirius/James

**Rating:** R for plentiful use of the f word and sexual innuendo.

**Summary:** When Lily interrupts an unspoken friends-with-benefits relationship between Padfoot and Prongs, Padfoot is none too happy about it.

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Feedback:** Feedback is like sex. Always satisfying when you get some, but its awkward when it sucks. I'm not partial to flames. Please keep them to a minimum.

**Notes**: Uh. Hi. Um, this is my first foray into the pairing so please be gentle with me. The fic is based off of the song "Diary of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin if you couldn't tell by the title. Thus, its also on the angry side. Um, just a warning, there are a lot of slurs used degrading women. I do not hate women (I am one!) or anything, but this Sirius does and since its his POV, he's really mean about it. I'm sorry if anyone is offended by it. :-/ That said, there are a couple of terms that I want to clarify since I might use them differently then what you're used to:

skirt – an easy woman

bender – a homosexual man

beard – a man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner

slag – a promiscuous woman

snatch – a woman's gentialia

Once again, I apologize if anyone is offended by these words or any other content of the story. If you can get past the slurs and the angry tone of the story, I really hope you enjoy. I accept constructive criticism! I would love to improve my writing in this pairing. Enjoy!

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If Sirius wasn't completely and hopelessly in love with him, he would have said that James was the gay one. Honestly, what self respecting man kept a diary?

Of course James claimed it was a journal that he like to have in case he forgot anything. "Notes on life," he called it. Notes on life that no one else was allowed to read, apparently. Even after Sirius had bedded his best friend for the first time, Prongs had not let him read what he had written about the experience, despite the fact that he insisted it was mind-blowing. He even made Padfoot promise that he would not open it while he wasn't around to keep an eye on it.

Though he was itching to know what James was saying about him in his _diary_, Sirius let it out of his mind for a time, taking the sweet nothings that his friend said while they were fucking for the truth.

It was pure, unspoken heaven - while it lasted. Until the red headed she-devil entered the equation.

And to be perfectly honest with himself, Sirius really didn't mind that James was getting a little snatch on the side of their frequent high altitude fucks. He - of course - was no saint, having deflowered numerous girls in his school career, but he never let a single skirt come between them. Ever. It was against the code.

It didn't even bother him much when James went out with her again. As they got older the student body had started to notice that neither of them had ever "dated" any chicks. Their nights of wild passion had remained unspoken (though understood among the four friends) but it was obvious for both parties that it was their desire to not be found out as complete benders. Padfoot really didn't mind if his fuck buddy wanted a beard.

What really got his goat was when James began pretending as though he had _feelings_ for the succubus, getting on Sirius' case when he degraded her. They started to quarrel often over the piece of tail, but it generally ended in an earth-shattering make up fuck and the argument was forgotten until the next time.

But this - this was the last straw.

"Fuck me," Sirius whispered hotly in James' ear, flicking his tongue out to catch his lobe.

A visible shutter had run through Prongs' body and the hazel eyes darted around the common room, wary of any students that might have caught notice of the sexual gesture. "Not now, Padfoot," he has muttered back, trying to push his best friend off the arm of his chair. "I'm busy tonight."

Sirius scowled. "Busy? Listen, poof, Moony's come down with werewolf and Peter went home for the weekend. The whole dormitory is ours." He put on the pout that in earlier days would have had James eating out of his palm in seconds. "I haven't had you in weeks." He shot a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the students were quite unaware of the activities in their little corner before brushing a hand over James' jean and licking his ear again. "Fuck me."

James closed his eyes, damning himself for letting his best friend know that his ear was his weak spot. "Shove off, Sirius," he said a little harsher than he probably meant. "I'm busy tonight."

Padfoot's gray eyes narrowed, an ugly look overcoming his otherwise attractive features. "You're going out with that slag again, aren't you?"

He had struck a nerve. A particularly sensitive one.

"I've told you to stop calling her that," James said, his eyes flashing and his voice an unstable calm. "Yes, I'm going out with her tonight. I'll suck you off next time. Now leave. me. alone."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright. As long as you promise to come to bed with me once you're done banging the whore."

The next thing Padfoot knew was that his left cheek suddenly hurt a lot more than it did just a moment ago and he was stumbling away from his best friend, James' fingers clenched in a tight fist. He hesitated, realizing he had finally gone too far, but before he could apologize, Prongs had gripped him by his robes and thrown him hard in the direction of the stairs. "DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME, BLACK. LEAVE ME A-FUCKING-LONE." Sirius received one more good shove and then James disappeared into the crowd and finally out of the portrait hole.

Sirius had sat there a moment longer, his face stinging from the punch, numb with shock and terrible hurt running through his body. When the other Gryffindors started to ask uncomfortable questions, he shouted at them all and tore up the stairs to their dormitory. When he arrived there, he kicked the door of their seventh year room, managing in all his fury to ignore the pain that waved through his leg. He stormed about and carried on like that for a good quarter of an hour before throwing himself on his bed.

_Fucking cunt,_ he thought, burying his face in his pillow. _What's so fucking great about her snatch that's got James beating me up for? What, does he fucking love her or something?_ The thought itself stung him so hard he laughed at it. "Nah," he said aloud to himself. "James' only heart is in his dick. He's probably just mad cause I know she's slept around and he fancies himself her first and only."

But even he barked out a laugh he doubted. And he hated doubt.

The good feeling he had produced from his analysis of James' reaction melted away. Did his best friend love her? He had to know, though Prongs would never tell - least not to him.

Gray eyes fell on the trunk that stood open at the end of James' four poster and his mind instantly jumped to the diary. All memories of the promise he made not to read it forgotten, Sirius nearly ran to the trunk, throwing its contents everywhere to find the journal. He almost laughed when he finally lifted it out; there was no lock on it and it almost fell open in his hands.

Sirius riffled through the pages, not even taking the time to call James an idiot for not magically protecting his precious diary, reading the first entry that he saw her name appear:

_March 14th_

_Today has been a great day. Lily and I set up plans to go out tomorrow tonight again. I know this is the fourth day in a row that we've gone out, but she's so refreshing after being with the guys for so long._

Padfoot scowled, his temper rising and skipped the rest of the paragraph, starting up again on:

_We also had that Potions exam today that I've been dreading, but Lily helped me study before so it wasn't as bad as I thought. And Flitwick gave us the day off in Charms which was the perfect excuse to talk to Lily some more. She's such a bright girl, I don't know how I can keep up holding a conversation with her. She's a saint for putting up with me, honestly. _

_And to top the whole day off ---_

Then there was a large gap in the text right in the middle of the sentence. The gap continued on down the rest of the page and onto the next where it picked up with:

_"Tomorrow we have the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw, so I really shouldn't be up any later."_

Sirius frowned at the page, casting his memory back for the day before the match. He did remember the Potions exam (he had sat in a corner with Remus the whole time James was studying with her, cutting her down every thirty seconds) and the day off in Charms. That night, if he was not mistaken, he and James had fucked as sort of a "good luck" for the match the next day.

The teenager's eyebrows furrowed and flipped through other pages, finding several similar gaps, each one taking the place of where James should have written about one of their sexual escapades.

"So he really didn't want me to read it," Sirius muttered to himself darkly. "No matter." He took out his wand and tapped the gap that was supposed to be the memory of their first night together. Not quite instantly words began to form on the page and he was just about to congratulate himself when he caught sight of the what the sentence read.

"I asked you not to read this, Sirius."

Padfoot's temper rose to boiling in seconds, something that felt like tears pricking his eyes. "FINE!" He shouted angrily at the book and before he could stop himself, he had ripped the page out, setting it on fire with the tip of his wand. In a matter of minutes he had torn out all the pages with gaps in it and reduced them to ashes on the floor.

His chest still heaving, he let the book fall from his hands. He could feel himself tremble with anger and hurt, emotions he didn't know he possessed coursing through him like fire. "James, you fucking prat." He whispered to himself. "Don't you know that you belong to me. No one else is allowed to have you. Don't you even care?"

A last bit of anger flaring inside him, he threw the book hard into the trunk, causing the lid to slam down. There was the sound of glass breaking, almost like an ink bottle had smashed, but Sirius long but cared. He heaved himself to his feet and cast himself down on the bed again, drawing the curtains around him and enveloping his broken frame in darkness.

When James got back he would be furious. It might even mean the end of their friendship.

Sirius would have liked to pretend that he didn't care. But the ashes that still lay on the floor were a clear indication otherwise.


End file.
